The Real Me
I don’t know what did it (Quarantine), but the glam was getting to me. I have been fortunate enough to maintain my employment and have been working throughout the duration of Rona, but have been working from home the majority of the time. About a week in, I cut my extensions and went for the bob look. It was cute, but as the tape slipped and more and more chunks fell out-I needed to take action. I was out of tape with no professional beauty stores open to get more so I had started to wear a hat every day.
Without makeup, my blonde hair looked horrible against my real skin tone-which is very fair. I kept seeing my level 4 roots with a towel on and saw the real me which I always feared but realized I actually didn’t hate and considered what it would be like to go back to being a brunette-it’s been over 6 years since I was one and was severely overweight then. I already had enough Kenra 4B demi perm to color my own hair, but not quite enough to color the extensions-which was my plan.
After the browning commenced, I saw that my natural hair is thin, but not as thin as I thought. I saw what looked like natural auburn highlights from where the blonde used to be amongst my natural brown hair. I saw that it was long enough that I could wear it pulled back for a year to let all of the broken mullet pieces grow out. I remembered that the 90s are fully back and they were my prime-butterfly clips, updos with random pieces hanging down, etc. I already saw those styles on “celebrities” , so I felt that it was FINALLY time to let go of the hair-I still have it, just in case.
As for the makeup-hands down my most time consuming task each morning. I knew that with Rona lurking around, I needed to stay much cleaner that I had grown accustomed to. After the transformation back to natural, none of the makeup I used to use matched my face anymore. I have a LOT of makeup and was able to go through it and toss what’s old and discover what may work with my natural skin tone. On the pic on the right above I am using tinted moisturizer (It Cosmetics), brow pencil (ABH), brow gel (Benefit), blush (NARS), mascara (MAC) and color tinted lip balm (Dior)-took about 10 mins, 5 of them were brows. The pic on the left is way too much and was a mask I wore to feel a certain way about myself, but it certainly wasn’t the way God made me.
The first day I went out without glam, I felt kinda free. TWO coworkers said “I see YOU” to my natural face. Looking like that girl on the left is exhausting. I have to budget at LEAST an extra 1.5 hours each morning-3 hours if I wanted to shower. I couldn’t be outside in the wind (hair extensions show) without a hat. I couldn’t run my fingers through my hair. I couldn’t swim or put my hair under water. I couldn’t go in chlorine (spray tan fall off). I couldn’t sweat. Multiple family members deleted me from social media because they were sick of seeing my face (I was promoting a beauty business). I always got stared at and was extra paranoid when people made eye contact with me. I wasn’t taken seriously.
I am not feeling like my best self these days as I’m sure I’ve put on the Quarantine 19-but I am inspired. I am excited to live as I truly should as my authentic self. I have some pretty emotional ups and downs and I’m learning that that is okay. It is okay to take a mental health day (even during a global pandemic-ESPECIALLY during a global pandemic). It is good to go through changes and have time to reflect on what you want out of life. I am happy to do your hair and makeup, but I am putting the brakes on doing my own and going to learn how to love my natural beauty.
